Sunday, August 26, 2007

New Look

I just spent some time working on modifying a template for this blog. I am using my parents' PC, so getting used to Windows is a bit tricky. They have their monitor set up so that the whole screen size is very...large print, which is weird because my parents aren't old and do not have bad eyes, either (at least nothing glasses can't fix).

So, I'm excited to see what it looks like once I get back home to my Mac. I'm still not sure when we're headed home. I've been here since Thursday night. Johnna has adjusted SO well, and has quickly made Grandma and Grandpa her favorites. Mama has been left to be in charge of mean things like baths and diaper changes. I guess I can't say that is all true; she still stops by en route to give me a snuggle and kisses. I think she's enjoying herself!

I've managed to get a couple nice pictures, but I hope on taking more over the next couple days. So far, we've gone on lots of walks - down US2, the downtown, and all of the other familiar neighborhoods that used to be my own. I'd love to get some pics of her at some U.P. landmarks. Tuesday, we're headed to the band shell/park to hear the community band.

We miss Daddy a lot - Johnna goes around the place singing the "Dah-deeee" song at least twice a day! It's almost 11:30, so I should hop on over to bed. I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

ps: if you want to be linked, let me know! :D

Melissa at 11:19 PM

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Monday, August 20, 2007

Back in the swing of things...

Oh my, first I must do some promoting. A little over a week ago, I began having troubles with my daughter's cloth diapers. They were extra leaky. I wondered if it had something to do with switching laundry soaps. We were using All@n's Naturally, but that ran out, so I switched to Tide Free & Clear. I had done SOME research on soaps and diapering, and free and clears were not really recommended.

We recently cleared all of our credit card debt (not by our own doing), and therefore promised to never get into trouble with those again. The only way to buy soaps like all@n's Naturally, is online.

Johnna uses Fuzzi-Bunz, and their website recommended a different brand of soap: Charlie's Soap. I ordered some with the credit card (we've already sent in the payment for it, btw Yay!). And let me say this: IT IS THE BEST SOAP IN THE WHOLE WORLD! Google it. Read their studies. Everything they say is true! Order some! Order a gallon. It's amazing stuff!

I "stipped" the fuzzi-bunz the day I received the soap. I did a cold soak as usual. But then I did a HOT wash without adding any soap. Guess what? The washing machine suds up, as if I had added a full (and then some) dose of detergent. GROSS. That's why they were acting up: They were clogged with residue! (Imagine, this happens to OUR clothes, too!) So, I ran a 2nd hot wash. And then a cold wash...without soap. but each time, it suds up.

Finally, I gave up and just added the Charlie's. OOHHHH MYYYYY! Once those puppies came out of the drier, they felt like nothing. They had absolutely NO WEIGHT added. It made me realize how much crap the stuff for sale in all of the major stores must have.

The fuzzis are working like brand new. They smell terrific and are so soft and light and how could I use Tide on OUR clothes? I just couldn't.

One gallon = 128 loads, so I went for it. I used it on all three loads of clothes-laundry today. The difference is amazing, that is all I can say. I am pretty sure it will be the only soap I use from now on!

End promotion.

So, on Thursday, Johnna and I are going to go up to Michigan to visit my family up there. I am excited and sad at the same time. I hate, hate, hate when John can't come. I love going up there, but I hate being away from him. John is "home" to me. Wherever he is, it feels like home. Safe. Wonderful. Complete.

But it will be nice to be up North with my mom and dad and grandma and everyone else in my family. On Friday, I'm going to get my hair cut at the place I always used to get it cut. I like the length, but it looks like a rat's nest. It is so heavy and mishapen. I'm going to ask her to leave it close to the length it is at, but give it shape and style and make it look less full and heavy. Hopefully she can work miracles!

In other news...last year, I set aside a box of my old clothes to try and sell at a consignment shop. I never did part with the box. Tonight, while doing laundry with the heavenly new soap (buy some!), I grabbed out some jeans and old dress pants. I could get them latched, and buttoned!!! I think when I first packed them away, I couldn't do so. I was sooo pleased! One pair, if worn, would actually look like a normal pair of blue jeans that normal people wear (I always tend to wear mine loose and baggy). If I could get used to wearing pants like that, I could actually go around in them!

So this is very positive. Now that the weather is cooling down (and if it stays this way), I will go out there and start running again. If I really work it, I could possibly get down to how I was before I had Johnna. Weight-wise, I am between 5-10 pounds heavier than I was at my first prenatal doctor's appointment. I'd still like to loose another 5-10 after that. Or at least loose some of the floppiness. Get more muscles and toned down....that bit.

Hmmm...what else? Today I managed to sew a felt birdy onto a floral shirt of Johnna's. Her auntie gave it to her. To me, it was cute, but just another floral printed long sleeved shirt. (I was very thankful, don't get me wrong!) So, I cut out a brown "sparrow" and sewed it onto the shirt with orange-ish embroidery floss. It totally transformed the shirt. I love it! :)

Today, we also played outside while John was at his foot appointment. It has rained, rained, rained the last several days, so it was damp and chilly and muddy outside. But Johnna had a blast playing in a bucket of rainwater, raking the wet soil with her hands, and riding around on her new bike (with help from Mama!) As she gets older, there is SO much we can do. I'm loving it!

Melissa at 10:12 PM

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Broken.

This evening we decided to go outside before Johnna's bed time. We had been watching "Supersize Me" on DVD, and Johnna was wondering around, bored and fussy. Although it is sometimes nice to sit back and relax, I ALWAYS feel guilty anytime I am not putting my attention on my baby. I'm glad we decided to go outside. Although it was humid and sticky, the sun was mostly low in the sky, so it wasn't hot. The neighborhood kids were outside, as was our neighbor Blake*.

John and I sat on the driveway, picking random 'weeds' out of the gravel. (It becomes rather addicting). Johnna scurried about pulling grass and 'flowers' (dandelions and clover) and tasting a rock or two. "Gicky," she'd say (icky), and toss it away. She didn't hesitate to try and run out on the road a few times, too. Luckily, our road is not a busy one (for the most part), and it is really short so you can see a vehicle the minute it turns onto our street. She'd cross the line, and I'd run off for her, but sometimes it was fun to play the "I'm going to get you" game and watch her trot along the edge of the road, closest to where our grass begins.

It was then that our neighbor Blake came over. He's a friendly man. I think he lives alone, for the most part. His parents stop by now and again, and he has an almost-two-year old, but she doesn't live with him. She's been there a couple times, that we've seen.

Well, I saw him coming and just thought he was off to do something in his yard. "Hi!" I said.

He hesitated and said, "hi" back.

"How are you?" I said medium-uncomforably.

"fine, fine, you?"

"Oh, pretty good," which is what I always say, no matter what. It is simpler than 'good' but seems more conversation-worthy. Meaning, there MIGHT be more to what I'm saying, but if you wanna know you have to ask. Most people don't. Some do - like "aww, just 'pretty good?'" And then I usually lie and say something like, "well, actually things are great!" But, like I said, that doesn't happen to much. Anyway, to my suprise, he kept on coming into our yard, carrying some videos.

He explained to me that his daughter is almost two and was getting to old for them. He offered them to us, for Johnna. There was a Dora video, Jack Frost, and two others. I thought to myself, I don't know...would his two year old have lost interest already?"

But I didn't say anything else. Other than, "Oh, are you sure?" Friendly, and reassuring-like.

"Ya, ya! She has SO MUCH DORA! And I might even have some old toys..."

By this time John came out of the garage. Could I see some question in his expression? Jealousy? Even though he never speaks of being jealous (because he has NOTHING to worry about), sometimes I think he is a lot more jealous than he lets on, like when some other guy is actually TALKING to me. I could sense a hint of...competition in his voice, as he spoke to Blake. As if, he wanted to keep the conversation short and let Blake know that he was control of things in our yard.

I felt kind of bad. I didn't want Blake to sense this, too, because from the few times I've talked to him, he's seemed really nice! He brought over a friend, talked about his cats. He told everyone he now has two, he just brought home a baby kitten. John's phone rang, and he didn't hesitate to answer it. I felt kind of bad. Blake excused himself, his friend stood around kind of nervously. blake was back shortly, John still on his cell, sitting on the bench. It was J., talking about band practice tomorrow nite. (It's at 7:30, so Johnna and I will have to find some sort of evening adventure to endure! Even though I am always very sad when John's gone when he'd usually be home, once he has left, it is kind of excited to do things on my own, and even better yet now that I have a little pumpkin to have a "girl's night" with.)

Anyway, when Blake came back (I was in the garage finding a plastic bat and ball), I saw him kneeling by Johnna (who is normally really hesitant 'round strangers). As I got closer, I saw he had brought his new little kitten over to show Johnna. SO NICE! Of course, Johnna didn't say "Meow" as she did when Blake and the kitten were leaving, but that's ok. I thought it was a nice gesture. I thought about things and how much he must miss his little girl. I've only seen her over once or twice, for week long shots, if that.

Later, when we were inside, John and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he wasn't going to see his little girl anymore, and he was getting rid of some of her things, to not remind him of her. Maybe?

As I tucked Johnna in, I thought about Blake and his little girl and about all the other parents out there, who might not live with their child, who might not live even CLOSE to their little ones...and I thought about adults who might not live together anymore - adults who were best friends, flames, who laughed together, who might have even been married to one another...when things go wrong and families are broken. It happens, and, I imagine and have heard, that sometimes it is for the best.

But I did also realize that, even though my life has its many stresses and problems, the two things I am most sure of, could absolutely NOT live without, are right underneath my nose. And I am so lucky in that way.







*denotes name change

Melissa at 10:34 PM

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Life.

Life seems kind of...up right now. Situations haven't really changed, but mindset has, and maybe that's more important. I'm up late. John's at work early. It's after midnight - Johnna just cried out. It is SO startling when she does that! The house is SO quiet, and then Wham Bam, my heart just jumps into a bed of needles when that happens...I wonder if she is dreaming...

We had a good day. Went for a walk, played at the park, visited the fountain...then came in from the pre-heating day, and watched a video about cats, Cat Capers, it is called. A film about cats just "being cats!" Johnna loved it. She would go up to the screen and give the kittens kisses. Then she'd come back and sit on my lap and say: "Yeee--ahhh!" Which is how she says, "Meow."

I should get to bed, but for some reason I am feeling happy about how we are living and positive that some day we will completely get to where we want to go. Be it woods, farm, cabin, farmhouse - I just want to find the simplicity and stability and know we are doing the best for ourselves, and, more importantly, our little girl.



*g'night*

Melissa at 12:07 AM

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Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Goals revisited!

New Goals:

1. Bought the book Sew U - now, practice and learn each exercise - take notes, and hopefully work toward sewing some pants, a shirt, and a skirt, and then some!

2. Start from the beginning of the embroidery project book, and do each project, from start to end! How am I going to learn, if I don't even DO anything except gaze on at the pictures and dream of one day being able to make that stuff (tea cozy, tablecloth, et cetera!)

3. Do some physical exercise - if I am so tired of clothes fitting akwardly (or at least feeling akward in my clothes) do something about it! My ultimate goal is this: by holiday photos, have pretty hair (no butch man-cut like last year!), feel GOOD about how I look in the picture ("I *know* I did everything I could to look this cute!" is what I should be able to say), find matching holiday tops for Johnna and I - like red shirts with Rudolph on them or something. And John could wear a nice red shirt or something, too!)

John and I talked about giving one another an hour each day to do something for ourselves, such as, giving me an hour to practice my sewing, or an hour for him to look up cheese making tools on the internet, for example. We need to start setting aside time to develop the things that interest us!

Melissa at 10:30 AM

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Thursday, August 2, 2007

no.

I don't feel much like blogging, and I don't feel much like doing anything, and even though Johnna has been REALLY fussy today - and has been sick with a fever, which is gone, but now she has a rash - the doctor's office says it is more than likely a viral rash due to the infection -

I don't feel much like leaving Johnna home tonight, so John and I can go out. My pumpkin.

Melissa at 12:03 PM

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